Mother’s Day should be everyday...life affects art

 Mother’s Day should be everyday

After a month of not painting, blogging, participating in the few online art forums and chatting with my art friends around the world by email I am finding it hard to get back into it. Could be because I haven't really been back to it for more than a day or two, having come home last Friday late afternoon.

As some of you may know, I have been away helping to look after my mother who has been ill. It was gruelling, but immensely rewarding because she and my family really needed my help. I found strength and patience I didn’t know I had. At times it would distress her that she was taking me away from my life, and that she needed so much help with basic personal needs. My response was always, to tell her that it gave me great joy to be able to be with her and be able help her this way. I reminded her of the many times she had helped me out. She came and stayed with us for three months to help look after my baby son while I was pregnant with my daughter and had to stay in bed most of the time. (My children are only 10 months apart, right now they are both 25 years old!) At other times she came for a week or two, like when I had my gallbladder operation a week after moving to a new city. I had two kindergarten age kids by then and it was no easy task. The point is, she’s always been there for me and my thirteen other siblings. How could I not help her now? Even if she hadn’t helped me in those ways, I love her and that’s what families are all about – loving and lending a hand in good times and in bad!

 That simple truth was what kept me going through sleepless nights, and busy days. I wasn’t the only one caring for my mother; we were all helping out to the best of our abilities. She needed hands on, basic nursing care, and having been a registered nurse working with the elderly for most of my twenty-five years as a nurse my former skills really came in handy. Physically it was hard for me due to some chronic health problems, but I tried hard to push my pain and fatigue aside and keep going. Working as a team with other family members challenged my diplomatic and communication skills to the utmost, as it was a stressful time for us all. I frequently had to remind myself that others had been caring for my mother (she lives with my oldest sister, my youngest sister lives nearby and my second oldest sister, also a nurse lived in a nearby town) a lot longer than I had. She had not been as ill and needing as much care all that time, but they had been there and I had not.  

I don’t intend to go into any more details here; suffice to say, in the course of events my mother was admitted to a Long Term Care Facility (Nursing Home is the older term for this) and it occurred on my birthday. We didn’t expect it to be that soon, so it all happened rather fast! I felt like such a traitor …how could I do this to her on the anniversary of the day she gave me birth!!! All rational thought and discussion aside, these were my gut feelings and it was a really hard thing to go through. She is adjusting fairly well and I am coming to terms with the fact that we can’t care for her at home. Even though there are thirteen of us now, the realities of the situation have to be faced and dealt with. It is so hard to see your parent lose so many things we take for granted. The most heart wrenching was to observe her distress at feeling useless and worthless. This was a woman who worked hard and was in control of a large family and all that entailed, for her whole life. To not be able to contribute and direct things the way she wants is a large part of her suffering. This quote from an email from one of my brothers describes it well. “I think it's worth remembering that Mom's condition has changed dramatically in a short period of time. Until recently, she seemed fine. When I saw her at Christmas she was mobile, lucid, and engaging. It's surprising to see how quickly her condition has changed from a succession of afflictions, none of which in themselves is critical, but which in combination conspire to render her helpless. I wholeheartedly agree with your objective of ensuring her independence and dignity to the greatest extent possible. It's clearly what she wants and it should be our highest priority.”

Consequently, there are a lot of things going on in my life, big things to internalize, and other big jobs to tackle. Not sure how it all will be reflected in my art yet, but know such intense life events add to your understanding of life in some ways and that ultimately shows up in your art!  

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