Ever Had Unconscious Wishful Thinking? Or heard that inner voice that asks, Who do you think you are?

Reading Christine Kane’s Blog on that inner voice that says “who do you think you are?” gives me the courage to try and answer that question for myself. http://christinekane.com/blog/who-do-you-think-you-are/

One of the problems that I’ve had as an artist, has been that big, bad voice in my head that keeps saying, ‘You can pretend you are an artist, but you will never really be considered one (by whom?), because you only paint digitally.’ (Told you it was a bad one!) Or that other one that says, ‘You can’t be an artist without taking all kinds of courses and workshops!’ Not that, that is a bad thing to do, it’s just not a valid criteria when you examine it.

Took the plunge yesterday and ordered Corel Painter 11 (which I had as a thirty day trial earlier this year) and a new Wacom Tablet and Intuos Pen. I first bought Corel Painter 9 in Feb. 2005 and my tablet is getting very worn out in the middle. It’s been causing my Lasso Tool to drop the rope as it were, and it drives me nuts. I really like the Real Filbert Watercolour (in Painter 11) brush for fine detail, because my work has a lot of detail.

Even with the Upgrade and Bundle price it is still a significant chunk of change, especially in these tough economic times (personally and globally *sigh*), but I have to believe my art is going to improve with these upgrades, and replacements. It further commits me to the goal of finally making some money from my art, which means I have to be more assertive with my marketing plans than I really feel 100 % comfortable with.

Not that I’m uncomfortable with my actual products, the printouts I make of my original artwork.  I’m just not crazy about having to confront/approach someone face to face with portfolio in hand, and having to ask if they want to make some kind of agreement with me about buying and/or selling my art. (Never mind the whole issue if they like it ot not! I had an excruciatingly hard time selling Girl Guide Cookies and Chocolate Bars in High School, and people like them! I usually bought and ate more than I sold :) I did learn a few things about selling when I worked in insurance for a few years, although I was better at customer service with existing clients. My old boss, former NHL player Jim Dorey would attest to that! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Dorey

Remember when insurance rates rocketed a few years ago, that’s when I worked for Jim. Had to get a thicker skin that year! Lots of irate and difficult calls. Whew!

So, what’s the point of this post? I’m supposed to be telling you who I am, so we can silence those voices saying, ‘Don’t take the next steps, it’s too risky and scary for you, you are not worth it. It’s just pretty pictures and you have nothing to say…’ I would like to mention here that my husband Richard has been very supportive and encouraging. He insisted on buying me Corel Painter and the Wacom tablet in the first place. The printers, tons of paper, and ink I’ve used over the past four years to get my printouts to the point I’m happy with as digital watercolour printouts has been another investment in his faith in me.

Family and friends have always been encouraging and supportive as well. A lot of my art graces (I hope) their walls. My husband’s brother Ross and his wife Marnie redid their whole kitchen to go with my art! (Not really, but between one visit and the next (a few mos. later) my art was hung and the kitchen redone... and my still life’s fit in perfectly, we all thought J) See Marnie’s Purple Jug, An Apple for Sue, and Daphne’s Purple Pepper in the Still Life Gallery. I’m coming to the conclusion that the only way I’m going to sell more art is to get out there and show people what it actually looks like. In other words just blogging about it and trying to sell online is not enough! I also have to realize that two months is not a long time for anything to get going this way. Have only had functional PayPal buttons that long!

Even so, I do have next steps to take pretty soon and this is where I come up against the scary part. I don’t quite know how to do this next part. Though to not be too hard on myself, I am very proud of how far I have gotten with my art and my computer skills.

My original goal was to make some original art I could hang on my own walls. It was also to satisfy that creative urge that never left my mind, my whole life, to paint and draw. This is going to sound a little flaky and there probably is a rational explanation for it (such as unconscious wishful thinking, I mean subconscious lol!)…but I am going to tell you anyway, (they roll their eyes).

Often when I am painting I get a really strong sense of having done it before, except it’s as using a traditional medium rather than the digital medium I am actually painting with. In the sense that I seem to be very familiar with the particular thing I’m grappling with. Not all that weird except that I have done very little painting with traditional mediums, not enough to account for the strong sense of déjà vu I feel sometimes. Maybe it’s all that colouring and drawing I did as a child. (I used to dream the walls of our bedroom were chalkboards that I could draw endless pictures on!)